Two Boys and my battle against comparison
Backstory : I was upstairs, while Mike is downstairs and I distinctly heard a packet of M&M being opened... well being a mum I pretty much know that he is eating some chocolate (without asking me!!) and so close to lunch time.. but I let him at it..
Then I came downstairs, he heard me coming, and immediately he ran away trying to hide behind the chairs and covering his mouth hahaha he's soooooo hoping that I didn't know about his little chocolate adventure and hopefully can get rid of the evidence before I find him ;P soo typical of Mike... Even when I caught him, he is just all grin and shrugging as if saying ".. well I want some chocolate so Im just gonna get some chocolate..."
I cannot HELP but notice that if this was Sam - who is my 1st son, then it will be quite a different experience. In the first place, he would have asked me if he can get some chocolate (and would be sad if I said no, but he wouldn't take it) ... IF in the rare occasions that I catch him doing things he shouldn't be doing then he will be all repentant...
I have only two sons (if you haven't read my journey and struggle in having them, head on here
"... without IVF, your chance is less than 2%...") and they are super different from each other - at least character wise:
Sam is the calm mannered, mature for his age, listen to his parents kinda boy, he really boost my confidence in being a new mum because he is just.. soooo easy to take care of!
While Mike is way more active than his brother, he does whatever he wants regardless of what I said, and throw tantrum when I don't do things his way... he really makes me question my parenting skills ...
On the other hand, if Sam is feeling hurt or fell down or upset he would take quite a LONG time to settle back down, while when Mike fell down (somehow he is so active he bumps into things more than my heart can take...) he would simply get back up and brush himself off
Sam is super confident - he loves speaking in public, from early age he is brave enough to order food / coffee in the counter by himself while I watch from the table, while I really really need to encourage Mike to do so
In the playground, though, Mike loves taking risk, and since his body is smaller, he is faster in things and can climbs things easily, while Sam is the careful ones and has to be encouraged to take a bit more risk..
BUT through out all of this I really really really enjoy their differences and their individuality.. it makes life so much more interesting!! And despite being different one to another, both boys get along so well together and their differences actually complement each other! (that really doesn't work in my favor sometimes tho... )
Having two boys, it would be super easy for me to compare them and use Sam's milestone as a benchmark for Mike.. but early on I was reminded to never ever compare child (they are all unique and created differently, so one should never be compared to another)... and once I get past of "comparing" I can see all the beautiful and strong points of my 2nd born...
Through this post, I guess I really wanted to remind parents or would-be-parents, that comparing your child to another does not benefit anyone in the long run...
Instead, accept the uniqueness of each child, play to their strength and encourage them to be the best version of themselves - that will work best, and equip them to make their mark in this world :)
Psst, if you would like additional info on why comparing your child is not really the best practice, check out these blogs! Disclaimer: I do not know them or their blogs, I gain nothing by sharing it in here. I am only sharing because I think you may benefit from them :)
"What really happens when you compare" by Romper
"5 Reason Why You Should Never Compare" by Huffpost
"Negative Effects of Comparing Your Child" by beingtheparent.com